This afternoon I was studying in the honours room when two of the other students came in, in the middle of a conversation. One of them, who majored in philosophy as well as history in his undergrad degree, was in the middle of saying how remarkably similar Judaism, Christianity and Islam are. I'm not sure if I can remember the flow of the conversation perfectly, but here are some of the other things he said. He thinks if following a religion makes someone feel better about life, well, that's nice and not a bad thing. He likes meeting a devout atheist just as much as a devout Christian so he can "rip their argument open". Then they left the room again.
I didn't jump in. I didn't tell him what I thought of his argument. I kept my head down and pretended to be busy highlighting, because I don't like it when people jump into my conversations. But I wanted to jump up and shout to the world what I thought!
I couldn't study for about half an hour afterwards because I just felt so tense. Here's what I did.
1) Formulated exactly what I would say to him. (Let's call him... Gary.)
a) Re Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Gary, I think most Christians would agree that there are some similarities. Especially given that Christianity was born out of Judaism. However, sharing a moral code and the idea of one God is not really the crucial factor. We believe that some things are right and wrong, yes, and we also believe that many of these things are natural or widely accepted laws that were written into Creation. If other religions recognise these natural laws, well, they're just recording the obvious truth that in general it is better to love than to hate, it is better to forgive than to murder, etc etc. However, the thing that Christianity is based around is not a moral code (although that's an important stepping stone to faith) but a historical event, a person whom we call God in the flesh. And that most crucial element of Christianity happens to be the part that Muslims and Jews just cannot accept. I, for one, did not accept Ethics or Monotheism as my Lord and Saviour. Get it?!
b) Following Christianity is not my little crutch I carry around with me to help me get over Life. Christianity makes life harder. I feel happier most of the time, but I also have to deal with people like you, Gary, psychoanalyzing me or making fun of me or, if I were in a different country, persecuting me or putting me in prison or torturing or killing me for my faith. Christianity gives me a permanent conscience that asks me to abstain from things that are difficult to abstain from, and to do things that are risky, embarrassing, selfless or downright dangerous to do. Doesn't make for an easy life! I will admit that Christianity is about the only thing I can have hope in. In that way, yes, Christianity improves my life. Is that too naive for you, Gary?
c) You say you enjoy meeting a devout Christian (or a devout atheist) so you can rip our arguments open, Gary. Little reminder: Having done three years of Philosophy courses at university doesn't make you omniscient, just arrogant. Just because you have acquired a knack of saying "but what do you mean by truth/fact/believe/insert word here" to everything anyone argues does not mean you have "ripped their argument to shreds". Just because you are quite happy taking the middle ground doesn't mean you haven't got your own position to defend.
2) I paced around for a little while.
3) I got out paper and a pen and wrote down my favourite Bible passage in phonetics. In this case the Bible passage is very very relevant. (And I did it in phonetics because I love writing things in phonetics. No relevance.) This is it:
For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written:
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise;
The intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."
Where is the wise man? Where is the scholar? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe. Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.
1 Corinthians 1:18-24.
4) Made myself a cup of tea, then went home.
5) Played the piano and sung very loudly, then put my Jacques Loussier Trio CD into the stereo and turned it up loud. Blogged [current].
I can't wait till Gary figures out that I'm a Christian.
Friday, April 04, 2008
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
happiness
As I said on my latest post on my other blog - "Voices" - things are going really well for me right now. I'm suddenly really happy and I've never worked harder, two things I didn't think could occur in conjunction. Maybe I'm not as lazy as I thought I was!
I guess there's something about being busy that makes sitting down to watch TV such a luxury, or going for a walk so refreshing, or playing a board game with some friends so much fun.
But it's not just that, I for some reason feel in such a good place with God. That doesn't mean I'm suddenly getting my a into g and reading my Bible every day or minding my temper every moment etc etc. But when I feel happy, I thank him for it, and when I think of someone who needs prayer, I actually pray. And suddenly he feels so much more constant in my life. I know he's been there all along and I've always known that, but he seems much more tangible.
And - sorry to keep harping on about this being postgraduate thing - I think realising now that I've made it through my undergrad degree has been a real boost. I've made it through the pressure that university can be on Christian faith, made it through the pressure English classes especially were, and have come out a stronger, more real Christian than I was before. I've made it through Mum's death and though I don't think that will ever get easier (I miss her every single day), I do know that it can't swallow me up now.
I know this won't last forever. I'm not the type of person who thinks being happy is being interesting. I'm afraid sometimes I engineer my own moods. Then there will be other times when stuff goes wrong in my life and it will be sad. That's inevitable. So I'm praying that I can hold onto the way I feel about God and the way I am turning to him now even when I can't hold onto the fleeting joy-of-living that has me in its grip right now.
I guess there's something about being busy that makes sitting down to watch TV such a luxury, or going for a walk so refreshing, or playing a board game with some friends so much fun.
But it's not just that, I for some reason feel in such a good place with God. That doesn't mean I'm suddenly getting my a into g and reading my Bible every day or minding my temper every moment etc etc. But when I feel happy, I thank him for it, and when I think of someone who needs prayer, I actually pray. And suddenly he feels so much more constant in my life. I know he's been there all along and I've always known that, but he seems much more tangible.
And - sorry to keep harping on about this being postgraduate thing - I think realising now that I've made it through my undergrad degree has been a real boost. I've made it through the pressure that university can be on Christian faith, made it through the pressure English classes especially were, and have come out a stronger, more real Christian than I was before. I've made it through Mum's death and though I don't think that will ever get easier (I miss her every single day), I do know that it can't swallow me up now.
I know this won't last forever. I'm not the type of person who thinks being happy is being interesting. I'm afraid sometimes I engineer my own moods. Then there will be other times when stuff goes wrong in my life and it will be sad. That's inevitable. So I'm praying that I can hold onto the way I feel about God and the way I am turning to him now even when I can't hold onto the fleeting joy-of-living that has me in its grip right now.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
across eras
I was driving out of town tonight after meeting some friends for coffee, and briefly along Manchester St which is the street every city has that is notorious for prostitutes. It's a Tuesday night but I saw a few women standing on corners, felt very grim, and said a prayer for them.
It made me think a bit. The other day I met one of the masters students in the history department, and of course, as we postgrad students do (note that oh-so-subtle pride), we asked each other what we were doing our research on. Bladebladeblah, said I. Male prostitution, said she. Apparently since the rise of feminism, prostitutes have been emancipated, while male prostitutes are still stigmatized. I realise that this could be an interesting and valuable contribution to human knowledge, but really! Emancipated?!
What is wrong with our world? Women are out there standing on a street corner in short skirts waiting for dodgy old men to drive past, pick them up, and purchase them. Probably the victims of about half the murders in our town are prostitutes. Oh yes, feminism is the salvation of those women. They can really respect themselves now. Why not call them public servants?
They call it the oldest profession, and this confirms two things I have decided:
1) There's no such thing as the "good old days". Things change, yes, but underneath whatever particular veneer society chooses to wear on the surface, underneath is the gutter. Things have always been like this and humans have always had a tendency to scumminess. We have not degenerated, we have only become more open about our general scumminess.
2) There's no such thing as historical progress either. The world has always been backward and stunted and no matter how many theories or technology or miracle cures we invent, utopia on our own steam is a fuzzy dream that can never become a reality. On a personal level we may learn from our mistakes, but on an all-humanity kind of level we just keep on keeping on. Screwing up. Exploiting, objectifying, and taking advantage of the dire need of another human being to gain a fleeting selfish pleasure.
A Salvation Army worker my mum once spoke to said a prostitute she had made friends with finally agreed to come to church with her one day. She took her to an inner-city "liberal" church where she thought the woman would feel more comfortable. Sitting in the pews with his wife and kids was one of the prostitute's regular customers.
The world doesn't change, people don't change, there is a blackness at the core of humanity that doesn't go away. It's pervasive, it's frightening, it's across all eras and across all the world. I can see it in myself, and I saw it there from a very young age. The world doesn't corrupt us, we corrupt the world.
A negative picture? Yes. But the sooner we realise this, the better. Screw this politically correct crap that there can be such a thing as an emancipated prostitute. Prostitution has nothing but darkness and imprisonment at its heart. It's a reflection of our world, our dark, evil world.
And yet, somehow, God so loved the world that he sent his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God. (John 3:16-21)
What a God we have. What a love. He is the only hope we have. What is below is the only real emancipation we can ever experience.
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion--
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. (Isaiah 61:1-3)
It made me think a bit. The other day I met one of the masters students in the history department, and of course, as we postgrad students do (note that oh-so-subtle pride), we asked each other what we were doing our research on. Bladebladeblah, said I. Male prostitution, said she. Apparently since the rise of feminism, prostitutes have been emancipated, while male prostitutes are still stigmatized. I realise that this could be an interesting and valuable contribution to human knowledge, but really! Emancipated?!
What is wrong with our world? Women are out there standing on a street corner in short skirts waiting for dodgy old men to drive past, pick them up, and purchase them. Probably the victims of about half the murders in our town are prostitutes. Oh yes, feminism is the salvation of those women. They can really respect themselves now. Why not call them public servants?
They call it the oldest profession, and this confirms two things I have decided:
1) There's no such thing as the "good old days". Things change, yes, but underneath whatever particular veneer society chooses to wear on the surface, underneath is the gutter. Things have always been like this and humans have always had a tendency to scumminess. We have not degenerated, we have only become more open about our general scumminess.
2) There's no such thing as historical progress either. The world has always been backward and stunted and no matter how many theories or technology or miracle cures we invent, utopia on our own steam is a fuzzy dream that can never become a reality. On a personal level we may learn from our mistakes, but on an all-humanity kind of level we just keep on keeping on. Screwing up. Exploiting, objectifying, and taking advantage of the dire need of another human being to gain a fleeting selfish pleasure.
A Salvation Army worker my mum once spoke to said a prostitute she had made friends with finally agreed to come to church with her one day. She took her to an inner-city "liberal" church where she thought the woman would feel more comfortable. Sitting in the pews with his wife and kids was one of the prostitute's regular customers.
The world doesn't change, people don't change, there is a blackness at the core of humanity that doesn't go away. It's pervasive, it's frightening, it's across all eras and across all the world. I can see it in myself, and I saw it there from a very young age. The world doesn't corrupt us, we corrupt the world.
A negative picture? Yes. But the sooner we realise this, the better. Screw this politically correct crap that there can be such a thing as an emancipated prostitute. Prostitution has nothing but darkness and imprisonment at its heart. It's a reflection of our world, our dark, evil world.
And yet, somehow, God so loved the world that he sent his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him. Whoever believes in him is not condemned, but whoever does not believe stands condemned already because he has not believed in the name of God's one and only Son. This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil. Everyone who does evil hates the light, and will not come into the light for fear that his deeds will be exposed. But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God. (John 3:16-21)
What a God we have. What a love. He is the only hope we have. What is below is the only real emancipation we can ever experience.
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me,
because the Lord has anointed me
to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion--
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. (Isaiah 61:1-3)
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
God is nice but sometimes I am not
I just want to vent.
Why is it that:
a) there is this perpetual Christian need to show people that Christians can have fun too? It mostly manifests itself in forcing people to play games in which you have to imitate an egg, a chicken, a cow, a gorilla and a model. Or, hopping a short distance with a clothes-peg between your knees and trying to drop it into a milk carton. (Yes, this has happened to me in the last week.) It's not fun, unless you're maybe twelve or below! I resent being made to feel like a spoilsport who has no fun because I don't think going to a Bible study group means I have committed myself to stupid games I don't enjoy!
b) being a Christian means for some people that we have to be constantly crinkly-eyed (in Adrian Plass's words) and bushy tailed? And have to talk about how [insert study group name here] has changed our lives?
The Christian group of which I have been a member at university for three years is cranking up again for the year, and I have had enough already. I have tried and tried and tried to fit in, and I can't. I just don't think it's possible to make an effort to enjoy myself, or to become BFFs with people I can hardly speak to. The studies themselves have always been good but everything else has always been a constant struggle and I'm sick of it. I don't want to go on a camp people say is going to be so much fun because we have to take old clothes and get very messy.
It goes deeper for me. Something happened two years ago that almost destroyed my trust in the people there. Let's just say I am not interested in friendship that entails everyone having a jolly good time while things coast along smoothly, but as soon as something goes wrong in someone's life, well, silence and avoidance is the best option.
I'm not happy. I want to define that a little more, because I feel like I love God more than ever, and depend on him more than ever, and he gets me through every day. I say that without hesitation. But quite often I wish I could just skip all this annoying life stuff and go straight to heaven. There is a deeper joy, that God has accepted me despite all my shortcomings and that I am valuable to him as I am. But I don't sit comfortably among other people and I can't be a cheery bouncy happy-happy person. To be at this group means for me at least that I have to go hooray! life's a blast! all the time without any real meaning behind it. The group is not set up for unhappy people, and I think that what happened to me two years ago has really disabled me from settling in there. I have Issues (I hate that word but it's true) and I can't sort them out there.
There are a few people there I'd be really sorry to say goodbye to. But I don't think leaving would mean they're out of my life forever.
So. I have had enough of being negative. I am not going back to the group. It really is a wonderful group for a certain type of person. But it is pulling me down. I need a change. I want to start going to a Bible study with my new church, which is affiliated with a different Christian group and is full of people who made me feel welcome and a part of them as soon as I stepped in the door.
Why is it that:
a) there is this perpetual Christian need to show people that Christians can have fun too? It mostly manifests itself in forcing people to play games in which you have to imitate an egg, a chicken, a cow, a gorilla and a model. Or, hopping a short distance with a clothes-peg between your knees and trying to drop it into a milk carton. (Yes, this has happened to me in the last week.) It's not fun, unless you're maybe twelve or below! I resent being made to feel like a spoilsport who has no fun because I don't think going to a Bible study group means I have committed myself to stupid games I don't enjoy!
b) being a Christian means for some people that we have to be constantly crinkly-eyed (in Adrian Plass's words) and bushy tailed? And have to talk about how [insert study group name here] has changed our lives?
The Christian group of which I have been a member at university for three years is cranking up again for the year, and I have had enough already. I have tried and tried and tried to fit in, and I can't. I just don't think it's possible to make an effort to enjoy myself, or to become BFFs with people I can hardly speak to. The studies themselves have always been good but everything else has always been a constant struggle and I'm sick of it. I don't want to go on a camp people say is going to be so much fun because we have to take old clothes and get very messy.
It goes deeper for me. Something happened two years ago that almost destroyed my trust in the people there. Let's just say I am not interested in friendship that entails everyone having a jolly good time while things coast along smoothly, but as soon as something goes wrong in someone's life, well, silence and avoidance is the best option.
I'm not happy. I want to define that a little more, because I feel like I love God more than ever, and depend on him more than ever, and he gets me through every day. I say that without hesitation. But quite often I wish I could just skip all this annoying life stuff and go straight to heaven. There is a deeper joy, that God has accepted me despite all my shortcomings and that I am valuable to him as I am. But I don't sit comfortably among other people and I can't be a cheery bouncy happy-happy person. To be at this group means for me at least that I have to go hooray! life's a blast! all the time without any real meaning behind it. The group is not set up for unhappy people, and I think that what happened to me two years ago has really disabled me from settling in there. I have Issues (I hate that word but it's true) and I can't sort them out there.
There are a few people there I'd be really sorry to say goodbye to. But I don't think leaving would mean they're out of my life forever.
So. I have had enough of being negative. I am not going back to the group. It really is a wonderful group for a certain type of person. But it is pulling me down. I need a change. I want to start going to a Bible study with my new church, which is affiliated with a different Christian group and is full of people who made me feel welcome and a part of them as soon as I stepped in the door.
Monday, February 25, 2008
to be convinced
Sometimes in the past I have not felt very sure of myself as a Christian. I thought that I didn't understand enough yet about God's eternal forgiveness and love. Which is probably true. Can anyone really ever understand it entirely? But I had one of those lightning bolt moments last night when I suddenly realised that that's not really what I was worried about. I know that God will always be faithful, I know that he will always stick around, and I know that there's no need for me to worry about him abandoning me.
What I was worried about was myself. I am such a weak person. Now, most people I know may not realise this, because I don't let myself yield to temptation that people might find out about. On the other hand, if no one but God and I know or could know, I give in much more easily and quickly. And then feel terrible about it fifteen minutes later. Beyond the stuff I do, there's the stuff I think. Doubts (which I have talked about on here before), mean thoughts, unloving thoughts... I don't really have a beautiful mind. Some of this stuff might sound so mild to a lot of people, and I don't want to be one of those falsely humble people who confess their wickedness just to make everyone else feel bad about their own actions which are far worse. Like a song on my ipod, by Christian comedian Marcel Currin...
"I'm humble, and I love it,
It makes me feel so proud to know I'm humble,
When I do something good (which admittedly I do quite a lot)
I keep my head from swelling,
And make sure everybody knows I'm humble!
Take your eyes off my life,
It just reminds me of my excellence;
I'm sharing my ability ('showing off' is such an ugly phrase)
I'm nothing but a servant,
But to others I'm a good example, I'm humble!"
Okay, so that was a detour from the topic - but I love that song and just wanted to share it :)
Anyway: having spent all this time studying how people behave under totalitarian regimes, I keep thinking, how would I act? It really worries me when I see how easily I yield to anything in my ordinary easy cushy life in which I really should have no worries. I know now how unfair it is to judge the actions of normal people in terrible positions like Nazi Germany or Stalinist Russia, because I can see that so many of them were very much like myself. I don't expect to be in the same position as them at any time in my life, and I very much hope I will not be - but I think, God has given me such a cushy life, and what am I doing with it that is any more admirable than some of the people who failed to do the right thing during much tougher times?
So - I have felt for a long time very undeserving of God's grace and love. And I've seen other people falling away from him. And it was worrying.
But I feel like now I'm slowly coming to know, very firmly, that it is not MY strength that is important. I can't predict the future. But I know that God will always be in mine. I also know I will change my mind about a lot of things, doctrines, ideas. But God will always be my God. I know I mentioned this a few posts ago, but I love the song "In Christ Alone" by Stuart Townend, and especially these lines - "no power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from his hand". The first time I sang those - wow. What an encouragement. It was sudden, a blinding vision. Despite all the stuff I'm not sure about, "I am his and he is mine", and he is never going to let me fall.
That gives me a lot of comfort as I go back to university this year. I meet weekly with other Christian students at church and at Navigators, but around uni and in my classes I am surrounded by people who think I'm indoctrinated or delusional or repressed, or, at best, idealistic. The things they say about the Church or the history of the Church or Christians might give me food for thought, but they can never separate me from the love of Christ. He's bigger than all of them.
What I was worried about was myself. I am such a weak person. Now, most people I know may not realise this, because I don't let myself yield to temptation that people might find out about. On the other hand, if no one but God and I know or could know, I give in much more easily and quickly. And then feel terrible about it fifteen minutes later. Beyond the stuff I do, there's the stuff I think. Doubts (which I have talked about on here before), mean thoughts, unloving thoughts... I don't really have a beautiful mind. Some of this stuff might sound so mild to a lot of people, and I don't want to be one of those falsely humble people who confess their wickedness just to make everyone else feel bad about their own actions which are far worse. Like a song on my ipod, by Christian comedian Marcel Currin...
"I'm humble, and I love it,
It makes me feel so proud to know I'm humble,
When I do something good (which admittedly I do quite a lot)
I keep my head from swelling,
And make sure everybody knows I'm humble!
Take your eyes off my life,
It just reminds me of my excellence;
I'm sharing my ability ('showing off' is such an ugly phrase)
I'm nothing but a servant,
But to others I'm a good example, I'm humble!"
Okay, so that was a detour from the topic - but I love that song and just wanted to share it :)
Anyway: having spent all this time studying how people behave under totalitarian regimes, I keep thinking, how would I act? It really worries me when I see how easily I yield to anything in my ordinary easy cushy life in which I really should have no worries. I know now how unfair it is to judge the actions of normal people in terrible positions like Nazi Germany or Stalinist Russia, because I can see that so many of them were very much like myself. I don't expect to be in the same position as them at any time in my life, and I very much hope I will not be - but I think, God has given me such a cushy life, and what am I doing with it that is any more admirable than some of the people who failed to do the right thing during much tougher times?
So - I have felt for a long time very undeserving of God's grace and love. And I've seen other people falling away from him. And it was worrying.
But I feel like now I'm slowly coming to know, very firmly, that it is not MY strength that is important. I can't predict the future. But I know that God will always be in mine. I also know I will change my mind about a lot of things, doctrines, ideas. But God will always be my God. I know I mentioned this a few posts ago, but I love the song "In Christ Alone" by Stuart Townend, and especially these lines - "no power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from his hand". The first time I sang those - wow. What an encouragement. It was sudden, a blinding vision. Despite all the stuff I'm not sure about, "I am his and he is mine", and he is never going to let me fall.
That gives me a lot of comfort as I go back to university this year. I meet weekly with other Christian students at church and at Navigators, but around uni and in my classes I am surrounded by people who think I'm indoctrinated or delusional or repressed, or, at best, idealistic. The things they say about the Church or the history of the Church or Christians might give me food for thought, but they can never separate me from the love of Christ. He's bigger than all of them.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
new for me
I have joined a new church. This is the website. It's on campus and is on Sunday evenings, so I can keep going to my family church in the mornings - which suits everyone. Yay! The first service was tonight, as it's an entirely new church, organised by the campus Christian Union, and I really enjoyed it. People were so friendly. Sermon good - even if I didn't agree with it all I like having to think about stuff, in this case, predestination. Music good. All good.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
songs for the moment
I must have written so many blog posts on my other blog about music by now, so it's time to do the same on here. For some reason, I've been getting quite a lot of hymns or Christian songs revolving round in my head the last little while. This is the main one so it comes first:
In Christ Alone, by Stuart Townend. I haven't known this for very long but I love everything about it:
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till he returns, or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
This song has got everything. A lovely and very singable tune. The full gospel message. When I sing it I feel like I am declaring my testimony, but at the same time I am being encouraged and reinforced in those beliefs, as if it were a two-way conversation. I especially love that line in the last verse - No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from his hand. Exactly what I need to remember sometimes, and exactly what I want to declare to the world. I love love love it! I've been sitting at the piano all night singing it loudly, as well as another Stuart Townend song, How Deep the Father's Love for Us.
I've also been singing Once Again, by Matt Redman, quite a bit. I'm not sure why, but this song gave me a lot of comfort when my mum was dying, especially the second verse -
(v1) Jesus Christ, I think upon your sacrifice,
You became nothing, poured out to death.
Many times, I've wondered at Your gift of life,
And I'm in that place once again.
(c) Once again I look upon the cross where You died
I'm humbled by your mercy and I'm broken inside
Once again I thank you,
Once again I pour out my life.
(v2) Now You are exalted to the highest place,
King of the heavens, where one day I'll bow.
But for now, I marvel at this saving grace,
And I'm full of praise once again.
When I sing that now, sometimes I can't even bring myself to put voice to the second verse because I remember what it meant to me at the time - I suppose it was my refusal to allow the circumstances to stop me seeing how God dealt to death or to stop me thanking him - but I play the piano with all I've got. I'm even grateful, then, for this song showing me that music itself is praise. People say that the words are all that matter, and I understand the principle, but I think the music matters too. Why sing if we could just talk? Music is praise in action. Music goes where words can't go.
A hymn now, by Charles Wesley - And can it be. You may know this, as it's one of the more popular hymns, but you may not. I want to write the entire thing out but it's FIVE VERSES, so here are my favourites:
(v1) And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Saviour's blood?
Died he for me, who caused His pain?
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! how can it be
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
(v3) He left His Father's throne above,
So free, so infinite His grace;
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam's helpless race;
'Tis mercy all, immense and free;
For, O my God, it found out me.
(v4) Long my imprisoned spirit lay
Fast bound in sin and nature's night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray,
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free;
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
The tune for this song is very BOLD, very climactic, perfect for a hymn like this. Unfortunately it's usually way too high for my alto voice but it's such an inspirational song to sing.
I also love When I Survey the Wondrous Cross and It is Well With my Soul, but the other song I especially want to mention here is Jesus, Lover of my Soul, also by Charles Wesley. (NB: I like this best with the Aberystwyth tune.)
Jesus, lover of my soul,
Let me to thy bosom fly,
While the nearer waters roll,
While the tempest still is high:
Hide me, O my Saviour, hide,
Till the storm of life is past;
Safe into the haven guide,
O receive my soul at last.
Other refuge have I none,
Hangs my helpless soul on Thee;
Leave, ah, leave me not alone,
Still support and comfort me.
All my trust on Thee is stayed,
All my help from Thee I bring;
Cover my defenceless head
With the shadow of Thy wing.
So many songs that we sing these days and in the past are so relentlessly happy. My dad found a horror that went something like "Monday I am happy, Tuesday full of joy, Wednesday there are springs within the devil can't destroy, Thursday.... ETC ETC". You know the type. This song is very minor key, almost desperate in tone, and I love it. Sometimes I think songwriters forget the existence of the psalms, unless they're the uber-happy psalms. Sometimes we are given songs to sing in church that I don't feel like I can honestly sing. This song is a reminder that life is not a breeze but that is all the more reason to sing to God.
Here endeth the blog post.
In Christ Alone, by Stuart Townend. I haven't known this for very long but I love everything about it:
In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save
'Till on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ
No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life's first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
'Till he returns, or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
This song has got everything. A lovely and very singable tune. The full gospel message. When I sing it I feel like I am declaring my testimony, but at the same time I am being encouraged and reinforced in those beliefs, as if it were a two-way conversation. I especially love that line in the last verse - No power of hell, no scheme of man, can ever pluck me from his hand. Exactly what I need to remember sometimes, and exactly what I want to declare to the world. I love love love it! I've been sitting at the piano all night singing it loudly, as well as another Stuart Townend song, How Deep the Father's Love for Us.
I've also been singing Once Again, by Matt Redman, quite a bit. I'm not sure why, but this song gave me a lot of comfort when my mum was dying, especially the second verse -
(v1) Jesus Christ, I think upon your sacrifice,
You became nothing, poured out to death.
Many times, I've wondered at Your gift of life,
And I'm in that place once again.
(c) Once again I look upon the cross where You died
I'm humbled by your mercy and I'm broken inside
Once again I thank you,
Once again I pour out my life.
(v2) Now You are exalted to the highest place,
King of the heavens, where one day I'll bow.
But for now, I marvel at this saving grace,
And I'm full of praise once again.
When I sing that now, sometimes I can't even bring myself to put voice to the second verse because I remember what it meant to me at the time - I suppose it was my refusal to allow the circumstances to stop me seeing how God dealt to death or to stop me thanking him - but I play the piano with all I've got. I'm even grateful, then, for this song showing me that music itself is praise. People say that the words are all that matter, and I understand the principle, but I think the music matters too. Why sing if we could just talk? Music is praise in action. Music goes where words can't go.
A hymn now, by Charles Wesley - And can it be. You may know this, as it's one of the more popular hymns, but you may not. I want to write the entire thing out but it's FIVE VERSES, so here are my favourites:
(v1) And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Saviour's blood?
Died he for me, who caused His pain?
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! how can it be
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
(v3) He left His Father's throne above,
So free, so infinite His grace;
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam's helpless race;
'Tis mercy all, immense and free;
For, O my God, it found out me.
(v4) Long my imprisoned spirit lay
Fast bound in sin and nature's night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray,
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free;
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
The tune for this song is very BOLD, very climactic, perfect for a hymn like this. Unfortunately it's usually way too high for my alto voice but it's such an inspirational song to sing.
I also love When I Survey the Wondrous Cross and It is Well With my Soul, but the other song I especially want to mention here is Jesus, Lover of my Soul, also by Charles Wesley. (NB: I like this best with the Aberystwyth tune.)
Jesus, lover of my soul,
Let me to thy bosom fly,
While the nearer waters roll,
While the tempest still is high:
Hide me, O my Saviour, hide,
Till the storm of life is past;
Safe into the haven guide,
O receive my soul at last.
Other refuge have I none,
Hangs my helpless soul on Thee;
Leave, ah, leave me not alone,
Still support and comfort me.
All my trust on Thee is stayed,
All my help from Thee I bring;
Cover my defenceless head
With the shadow of Thy wing.
So many songs that we sing these days and in the past are so relentlessly happy. My dad found a horror that went something like "Monday I am happy, Tuesday full of joy, Wednesday there are springs within the devil can't destroy, Thursday.... ETC ETC". You know the type. This song is very minor key, almost desperate in tone, and I love it. Sometimes I think songwriters forget the existence of the psalms, unless they're the uber-happy psalms. Sometimes we are given songs to sing in church that I don't feel like I can honestly sing. This song is a reminder that life is not a breeze but that is all the more reason to sing to God.
Here endeth the blog post.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
by any other name
This is a post on death - just for a novel change in Allie's preoccupation (not).
Basically I am just intending here to quote a few things I've read recently. The first was in chapter one of Philip Yancey's book Finding God in Unexpected Places.
This excerpt was (a) somewhat of a relief and (b) a breath of fresh air - for me. Hooray - at last someone is acknowledging that death is horrible and dark and ugly and those are not strong enough words. Death is not something that is designed to be "gotten over" or placated. It'll hit you hard between the eyes when you least expect it, whether it's your own or someone else's.
This is where the next piece of writing comes in - a poem by Adrian Plass in his novel An Alien at St Wilfred's, which I've also copied out on another blog of mine, Another Grief Observed.
What do we do about death?
We don't -
The monster is hidden away.
It's not in the zoo for the public to view
The look on its face would empty the place
We don't want to die, the people would cry
Death is the curse in the back of the hearse
We don't need to see it today.
What do we do about death?
We don't -
We shovel it under the ground
Under the sod and hope there's a God
Whose principles bend at the bitterest end
Or we burn it away, and whispering say
Death is the scream at the end of the dream
There isn't a lonelier sound.
What do we do about death?
We don't -
We don't even give it a name
He's gone before to a distant shore
She's passed away, we gloomily say,
He's fallen asleep in a terminal heap.
Death is the spear that is poisoned with fear
It pierces the heart of the game.
What do we do about death?
We don't -
But once in the angry sun
A winner was slain at the centre of pain
When a battle was fought at the final resort
But because of the cross it was fought without loss
And death is the knife that will free us for life
Because of what Jesus has done.
And I think everything I want to say is in that poem.
Basically I am just intending here to quote a few things I've read recently. The first was in chapter one of Philip Yancey's book Finding God in Unexpected Places.
One night Donna, a member of the Make Today Count group [for terminally ill patients], told about watching a television program on the public service station. In the program, Elisabeth Kübler-Ross discussed a boy in Switzerland who was dying of an inoperable brain tumor. Kübler-Ross asked him to draw a picture of how he felt.
He drew a large, ugly military tank, and behind the tank he drew a small house
with trees, grass, sunshine, and an open window. In front of the tank, just at
the end of the gun barrel, he drew a tiny figure with a red stop sign in his
hand. Himself.
Donna said that picture captured her feelings precisely. Kübler-Ross had
gone on to describe the five stages of grief, culminating in the stage of
acceptance. And Donna knew she was supposed to work toward acceptance. But she
could never get past the stage of fear. Like the little boy in front of the
tank, she saw death as an enemy.
Someone brought up religious faith and belief in an afterlife, but the
comment evoked the same response in Make Today Count as it had in Amnesty
International: a long silence, a cleared throat, a few rolled eyes. The rest of
the evening, the group focused on how Donna could overcome her fears and grow
toward the acceptance stage of grief.
I left that meeting with a heavy heart. Our materialistic, undogmatic
culture was asking its members to defy their deepest feelings. Donna and the
small Swiss boy with the brain tumor had, by sheer primal instinct, struck upon
a cornerstone of Christian theology. Death is an enemy, a grievous enemy, the
last enemy to be destroyed. How could members of a group that each month saw
families fall apart and bodies deteriorate before their eyes still wish for a
spirit of bland acceptance? I could think of only one appropriate response to
Donna’s impending death: Curse you, death!
This excerpt was (a) somewhat of a relief and (b) a breath of fresh air - for me. Hooray - at last someone is acknowledging that death is horrible and dark and ugly and those are not strong enough words. Death is not something that is designed to be "gotten over" or placated. It'll hit you hard between the eyes when you least expect it, whether it's your own or someone else's.
This is where the next piece of writing comes in - a poem by Adrian Plass in his novel An Alien at St Wilfred's, which I've also copied out on another blog of mine, Another Grief Observed.
What do we do about death?
We don't -
The monster is hidden away.
It's not in the zoo for the public to view
The look on its face would empty the place
We don't want to die, the people would cry
Death is the curse in the back of the hearse
We don't need to see it today.
What do we do about death?
We don't -
We shovel it under the ground
Under the sod and hope there's a God
Whose principles bend at the bitterest end
Or we burn it away, and whispering say
Death is the scream at the end of the dream
There isn't a lonelier sound.
What do we do about death?
We don't -
We don't even give it a name
He's gone before to a distant shore
She's passed away, we gloomily say,
He's fallen asleep in a terminal heap.
Death is the spear that is poisoned with fear
It pierces the heart of the game.
What do we do about death?
We don't -
But once in the angry sun
A winner was slain at the centre of pain
When a battle was fought at the final resort
But because of the cross it was fought without loss
And death is the knife that will free us for life
Because of what Jesus has done.
And I think everything I want to say is in that poem.
Saturday, January 12, 2008
doubts
So, the last little while I've been assailed by all these doubts. I don't think I need to go into them as they are only too unoriginal - but sometimes I feel like I am literally battling them, whenever I am alone. I've always been ashamed by doubt, like I can't speak about it, but as I get older they get more difficult to handle and I realise that a lot of other people are in the same boat. A little voice comes into my head - it speaks much more clearly than my normal thoughts do - suggesting that this is ridiculous and unlikely and then I get caught up in a brain storm of 'is that my own voice or the devil's?', 'do I really believe?', etc etc. Sometimes I wish I had to undergo a little persecution because it's much easier to identify evil to resist when it comes at you plainly; evil wears a subtle garment in our Western world.
I was sitting in church today thinking about how annoying I find myself. I have seen more than enough to decide for myself that God is there and that he revealed himself through Christ. But somehow it all comes to naught when doubts come into my mind. And I worry that I will spend my entire life fighting those doubts.
But then we read a few verses in the service that really encouraged me. (And that's what church is for, right?)
For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. Ephesians 1vv15-19.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Romans 8vv31-33.
The remembrance of God's love for me is a powerful thing. The remembrance that Jesus is at God's side right now, fighting for me, is something a little more than encouragement. The remembrance that if I ask it of him, God will reward me with answers and wisdom and understanding, is hope. As I sat thinking about these verses, another little voice spoke in my mind, this time a different one: You are someone who has to fight for understanding, who will not be content with blindness - and that's a good thing.
Sure, in a few hours I will probably dismiss the voice as my own or a figment of my imagination - but I want to write it down now for me to remember. God gave me my personality, he gave me the people I grew up around and the things that have influenced me. He doesn't need me to be a clone of those amazing Christians who understand everything right away and stay steadfast every moment of their lives (if, in fact, they exist). I suspect that if I fight hard enough I will be a better witness for my Father than if I had never had to struggle at all.
So, on a different note, this is what I do when I start getting worried by it all:
1) I read the Bible. My favourite bits, bits I've never read before, bits I've never understood just to get my mind active - anything.
2) I read a few authors who form my unit of Surefire Protection from Idiocy. One is C. S. Lewis. The Screwtape Letters is especially relevant when I start noticing the little voice. Mere Christianity is another good'un which I wish I could memorise and recall at opportune moments. And the Narnia Chronicles are old favourites. The other author I read is Adrian Plass. He's a British guy who writes books about Christians who are flawed, funny and REAL. Instant reality check, instant encouragement and inspiration. A favourite is The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass, Aged 37 and 3/4, but just about any of his books will do.
3) I listen to, or play, music. Mendelssohn's Hear My Prayer or Handel's Messiah are my most common choices on the piano for this purpose. I like listening to Brooke Fraser or Jars of Clay a lot in these times, but my very favourite is my brother, Russell. He has made a few CDs over the year, as the muso of the family - he writes amazing Christian lyrics, plays and composes all the music, and sings too. He's really good. He gave me his most recent work when I visited him in Malaysia in November, and there is a song on that called "Every Living Thing", based on the words of Psalm 148. It is such a joyful song and every time I listen to it I can't help but be infected with the joy of the song and I want to jump around shouting - usually I don't but you get the idea. I wish I could share it with whoever reads this but I don't have Russell's permission. His other music too - maybe it's that we're in the same family but he writes about things that come up so often in my head that almost all his songs are miracle cures for me. And I'm just a little bit proud of him too. :)
4) I'm an amateur historian and so I start thinking about what happened around New Testament times. I try to think of Jesus not as some faraway concept but as a real man I could have touched or seen with my eyes if I lived then. I think of the disciples and try to imagine being in their place, and I look at how they behaved. To me, the transformation of the disciples after the resurrection of Christ is the most tangible proof I could offer as to the reality of the resurrection. Eleven woebegone, scared men who doubt Jesus and deny him, suddenly become men who proclaim what has happened from the rooftops and will do anything to pass on the message. Almost all of them die for their Saviour. I'm aware that some people who aren't as thrilled by history as I am won't find that a compelling argument - but I do.
I also read books like The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel during doubtful times.
5) I start praying in the way easiest to me - by writing. I get lost very quickly if I try to pray in my head and I stray into cliche very easily if I pray out loud in front of people.
How do you combat doubts?
I was sitting in church today thinking about how annoying I find myself. I have seen more than enough to decide for myself that God is there and that he revealed himself through Christ. But somehow it all comes to naught when doubts come into my mind. And I worry that I will spend my entire life fighting those doubts.
But then we read a few verses in the service that really encouraged me. (And that's what church is for, right?)
For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. Ephesians 1vv15-19.
What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. Romans 8vv31-33.
The remembrance of God's love for me is a powerful thing. The remembrance that Jesus is at God's side right now, fighting for me, is something a little more than encouragement. The remembrance that if I ask it of him, God will reward me with answers and wisdom and understanding, is hope. As I sat thinking about these verses, another little voice spoke in my mind, this time a different one: You are someone who has to fight for understanding, who will not be content with blindness - and that's a good thing.
Sure, in a few hours I will probably dismiss the voice as my own or a figment of my imagination - but I want to write it down now for me to remember. God gave me my personality, he gave me the people I grew up around and the things that have influenced me. He doesn't need me to be a clone of those amazing Christians who understand everything right away and stay steadfast every moment of their lives (if, in fact, they exist). I suspect that if I fight hard enough I will be a better witness for my Father than if I had never had to struggle at all.
So, on a different note, this is what I do when I start getting worried by it all:
1) I read the Bible. My favourite bits, bits I've never read before, bits I've never understood just to get my mind active - anything.
2) I read a few authors who form my unit of Surefire Protection from Idiocy. One is C. S. Lewis. The Screwtape Letters is especially relevant when I start noticing the little voice. Mere Christianity is another good'un which I wish I could memorise and recall at opportune moments. And the Narnia Chronicles are old favourites. The other author I read is Adrian Plass. He's a British guy who writes books about Christians who are flawed, funny and REAL. Instant reality check, instant encouragement and inspiration. A favourite is The Sacred Diary of Adrian Plass, Aged 37 and 3/4, but just about any of his books will do.
3) I listen to, or play, music. Mendelssohn's Hear My Prayer or Handel's Messiah are my most common choices on the piano for this purpose. I like listening to Brooke Fraser or Jars of Clay a lot in these times, but my very favourite is my brother, Russell. He has made a few CDs over the year, as the muso of the family - he writes amazing Christian lyrics, plays and composes all the music, and sings too. He's really good. He gave me his most recent work when I visited him in Malaysia in November, and there is a song on that called "Every Living Thing", based on the words of Psalm 148. It is such a joyful song and every time I listen to it I can't help but be infected with the joy of the song and I want to jump around shouting - usually I don't but you get the idea. I wish I could share it with whoever reads this but I don't have Russell's permission. His other music too - maybe it's that we're in the same family but he writes about things that come up so often in my head that almost all his songs are miracle cures for me. And I'm just a little bit proud of him too. :)
4) I'm an amateur historian and so I start thinking about what happened around New Testament times. I try to think of Jesus not as some faraway concept but as a real man I could have touched or seen with my eyes if I lived then. I think of the disciples and try to imagine being in their place, and I look at how they behaved. To me, the transformation of the disciples after the resurrection of Christ is the most tangible proof I could offer as to the reality of the resurrection. Eleven woebegone, scared men who doubt Jesus and deny him, suddenly become men who proclaim what has happened from the rooftops and will do anything to pass on the message. Almost all of them die for their Saviour. I'm aware that some people who aren't as thrilled by history as I am won't find that a compelling argument - but I do.
I also read books like The Case for Christ by Lee Strobel during doubtful times.
5) I start praying in the way easiest to me - by writing. I get lost very quickly if I try to pray in my head and I stray into cliche very easily if I pray out loud in front of people.
How do you combat doubts?
Saturday, January 05, 2008
update
I blogged here a little while ago about how I was agonising over whether to move on from my childhood church or not when I got back to New Zealand. Now I'm back, I've been back to church a few times, and now I know - I have to move on.
It seemed when I was away that not all that much important stuff was happening to me, but now when I go to my church here, I feel so different. I hesitate to say that I've outgrown my church like I would an old jersey - but I think I can tentatively quote Stacy in saying that at RBC I feel like a mitten and everyone else is a glove, or was it the other way round? Or perhaps I could explain it someway else by stating the facts: I love the people at my church but they are at completely different stages of life to me. Coming back reinforces what I already knew, that while I can do basic things for them like play the piano, I am not getting the support that I need, and until I get that support, I can't do anything for The Church (by which I mean that thing that even the gates of Hell will not prevail against) which actually matters in the long run. I felt very unChristian admitting this before - shouldn't it be all about what I can give and not what I can receive? - but now it just seems so obvious to me that I have to leave that I am not going to apologise for it.
Phew. So now I just have to break it to them.
It seemed when I was away that not all that much important stuff was happening to me, but now when I go to my church here, I feel so different. I hesitate to say that I've outgrown my church like I would an old jersey - but I think I can tentatively quote Stacy in saying that at RBC I feel like a mitten and everyone else is a glove, or was it the other way round? Or perhaps I could explain it someway else by stating the facts: I love the people at my church but they are at completely different stages of life to me. Coming back reinforces what I already knew, that while I can do basic things for them like play the piano, I am not getting the support that I need, and until I get that support, I can't do anything for The Church (by which I mean that thing that even the gates of Hell will not prevail against) which actually matters in the long run. I felt very unChristian admitting this before - shouldn't it be all about what I can give and not what I can receive? - but now it just seems so obvious to me that I have to leave that I am not going to apologise for it.
Phew. So now I just have to break it to them.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Christmas
What child is this, who, laid to rest, on Mary's lap is sleeping?
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet, while shepherds watch are keeping?
This, this is Christ the King, whom shepherds guard and angels sing;
Haste, haste to bring him laud, the Babe, the Son of Mary!
Why lies he in such mean estate, where ox and ass are feeding?
Good Christian, fear: for sinners here the silent Word is pleading:
Nails, spear, shall pierce him through, the cross be borne, for me, for you:
Hail, hail the Word made flesh, the Babe, the Son of Mary!
So bring him incense, gold and myrrh, come peasant, king to own him,
The King of kings salvation brings, let loving hearts enthrone him.
Raise, raise the song on high, the Virgin sings her lullaby:
Joy, joy for Christ is born, the Babe, the Son of Mary.
Maybe it's that I've spent half this year being a babysitter, but for some reason this Christmas I can't stop thinking about how thoroughly amazing it is that God should come to us, and come as a baby. As something so vulnerable, so humble, so dependent, so unassuming, yet something that symbolises the promise and potential that every human is given from the start of their lives.
I can't put it into words, but if anyone were to ask me right now what separates Christianity from other religions, or what makes our God special, I would say - he came as a baby. Christ born in a humble stable, laid in a manger, and the first people to hear of his birth mere shepherds - that tells me something about the character of our God that seems so powerful to me that I can't quite understand why people forget about it in favour of tinsel, Santa Claus and "Jingle Bell Rock".
Merry Christmas, everyone - I hope you have a lovely day tomorrow (or the day after, depending on your timezone) with your loved ones.
Friday, December 07, 2007
split personality
There's something about having an injury like mine that brings out both my strengths and weaknesses. About two weeks ago I broke my heel, and less than a week ago my heel was diagnosed as being broken. I am now in plaster for about four or five more weeks and I'm not allowed to put ANY weight on my right leg. None. I can do basically nothing.
The worst: When I am just tired and depressed and lonely, when I've just almost fallen over again, when I've crawled up the stairs and then realised I left the most crucial thing at the bottom, when I've walked about ten metres and already have to sit down again, when I remember something else I was going to do over the next month that I can't do now, when I think of the hard work and physiotherapy and time it's going to take just to get me normal again if I'm lucky - all I can think about is how much this sucks, how much I want to cry, and WHY ME GOD? Who cares about other things going on in the world and how they measure up to this relatively? What difference does it make that I have family around who want to help me and access to medical help? Then I start feeling selfish and it's even worse.
The best: At times there is part of me that looks around wherever I am - maybe the Emergency Department where I got my cast on - and I cannot escape seeing people that are far worse off than me, like the woman who lay on her floor with a broken shoulder for a whole day until a friend found her, or the old man who is lying on his bed looking grey and not speaking. There are other times when I wonder if it's not actually a bad thing to understand what it feels like to be cut off from things you want to do, to be housebound, to be dependent on others for basic necessities. And sometimes I almost want to thank God for using my accident, a not wonderful thing in itself, to teach me something.
I still need prayer to get through the depressing part though!
My point is, though - maybe it's not great that when I'm at my weakest I am despairing, yelling at God for allowing this to happen. But I think perhaps God doesn't need us to be cheerful all the time. Maybe it's better if we can praise him joyfully in all circumstances and stay optimistic even when it's hardest. But the important thing is that it's God I'm yelling at, God I'm imploring, and God I'm leaning on when I find it hardest to stand on my own (and I say that both literally and figuratively!).
The worst: When I am just tired and depressed and lonely, when I've just almost fallen over again, when I've crawled up the stairs and then realised I left the most crucial thing at the bottom, when I've walked about ten metres and already have to sit down again, when I remember something else I was going to do over the next month that I can't do now, when I think of the hard work and physiotherapy and time it's going to take just to get me normal again if I'm lucky - all I can think about is how much this sucks, how much I want to cry, and WHY ME GOD? Who cares about other things going on in the world and how they measure up to this relatively? What difference does it make that I have family around who want to help me and access to medical help? Then I start feeling selfish and it's even worse.
The best: At times there is part of me that looks around wherever I am - maybe the Emergency Department where I got my cast on - and I cannot escape seeing people that are far worse off than me, like the woman who lay on her floor with a broken shoulder for a whole day until a friend found her, or the old man who is lying on his bed looking grey and not speaking. There are other times when I wonder if it's not actually a bad thing to understand what it feels like to be cut off from things you want to do, to be housebound, to be dependent on others for basic necessities. And sometimes I almost want to thank God for using my accident, a not wonderful thing in itself, to teach me something.
I still need prayer to get through the depressing part though!
My point is, though - maybe it's not great that when I'm at my weakest I am despairing, yelling at God for allowing this to happen. But I think perhaps God doesn't need us to be cheerful all the time. Maybe it's better if we can praise him joyfully in all circumstances and stay optimistic even when it's hardest. But the important thing is that it's God I'm yelling at, God I'm imploring, and God I'm leaning on when I find it hardest to stand on my own (and I say that both literally and figuratively!).
Sunday, November 04, 2007
The Holy Spirit - pay attention!
Before I start - the last few posts have been unintentionally in two sections, Studied Stuff and What Is Happening To Me Right Now. So I'm going to keep going with that, but intentionally this time!
Studied Stuff
Today I want to share some of the things that appeared to me to be saying - BE CAREFUL. I've been stuck on the extreme of being very skeptical in the past; while I read about the Holy Spirit in the Bible I found myself being quite challenged about this. Here's some of what I found:
Matthew 12:30-31 He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather with me scatters. And so I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.
I wanted to put this first because in the past I've avoided this verse like the plague, worrying that it means that if I've ever been slightly flippant about the Holy Spirit in the past it means I'm destined for hell. When I read it through, though, it seems clear to me that this is not saying that at all. In context, Jesus seems to be saying that the only sin that cannot be forgiven is never choosing to stand with him and accept him. In other words, ignoring the Spirit's voice whispering to us the truth is the only thing that keeps us from God. Still, this verse isn't completely clear - but a renewed thoughtfulness about it helped me move on to a fairer understanding of how the Spirit works.
Nehemiah 9:30 God was patient with Israel for many years; By your Spirit you admonished them through your prophets. Yet they paid you no attention.
Hebrews 2:3-4 How shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him. God also testified to it by signs, wonders and various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will.
Revelation 2:7 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. (Repeated several times in the next few chapters.)
Shall I paraphrase? Don't ignore the Holy Spirit. In one sense here, the Spirit is talking to nonbelievers who have not accepted Christ. In another, he is talking to the churches - those of us who are already saved. And he repeats this message for each of the seven churches spoken to in Revelation - it's important. Growth, constancy and vigour are not possible unless the Church listens to the Spirit directing them - and I wonder how much attention we pay to the Spirit in our individual churches and as one entire body?
A verse that seems one of the most serious to me:
Hebrews 10:26,29 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left… How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace?
Likewise:
Acts 5:3 Then Peter said, ‘Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land?’
In both these cases - ignoring the Spirit brings consequences - none of which we can blame anyone other than ourselves for. In the passage from Acts, Ananias' ignoring of the Spirit goes as far as lying to him, and in Hebrews, to refuse to change one iota after initial salvation is to insult the Spirit of grace, the Spirit who brought us to the Lord out of bondage. It is like saying "thanks for removing my chains but I'd quite like to keep toiling, please".
On the other hand:
Galatians 6:7-8 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
This is perhaps a more positive side of the coin. If we do listen to the Spirit, and do our best to please him, there is nothing he will not give us. Eternal life. A phrase that is used so often it loses some of its power sometimes, but nevertheless a powerful phrase.
And in summing up, this is the verse that seemed to put it all together for me and undo all the tangles and contradictions in my mind:
1 Thessalonians 5:19-22 Do not put out the Spirit’s fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold onto the good. Avoid every kind of evil.
Here, I in my earlier position am warned not to treat prophecies contemptuously at risk of extinguishing the fire of the Spirit by my negativity. But I am also encouraged to 'test everything' - not to treat everything I hear Christians assert as the gospel truth willy-nilly. This passage deals with both extremes, and I feel a bit more comfortable now as to where I am on the spectrum.
What is happening to me right now
I only have about six weeks left before I go back to New Zealand now, and only four of them will be in Australia. As it suddenly seems so close, I've been thinking a lot about what I am going back to. I have really enjoyed attending my sister and brother-in-law's church, a fairly evangelical and laidback Anglican church called St Philip's in Cottesloe. There is a huge range of people there, a lot of whom are very open to experiencing the Spirit in ways I never have. Some of them have taught me really interesting new ways to think about things that would never have occurred otherwise. I feel challenged and stimulated there.
Whereas my church at home is a wonderful, really wonderful church that is like my extended family. It's not big but not tiny, and I know that a large number of people there will be praying for me regularly and fervently. What made me most moved was that for my birthday last week I received a card in the mail that someone had taken round the church and everyone had signed for me. To know that you have all these people who really care about you and would put themselves out there for you even when they don't see you every week is just amazing. The sermons are meaty and we still sing the really good old hymns (along with some of the really bad old hymns).
My problem is that I've been there forever. I am so used to being the same person and thinking the same ways while I'm there that I'm beginning to feel like I'll be stuck in the same Me when I'm back. I do get challenged and so on while I'm there but I can predict exactly what people will think on some issues, not least the Holy Spirit. The kind of accepted view at my church at home is that the Holy Spirit is very active in our lives and in our reading of scripture but he doesn't need to make us talk in tongues etc. I don't know what I think about that yet. But I want to find out, and I think if I ask people at church I will get the same answers as always but without any proof. I may come to the same conclusions eventually but I want to know that they have been my own, and I have found out for myself. Another small but influential issue is that there is no one my age there except a few people who come very irregularly.
I am pretty sure that people at my church would understand exactly why I was leaving if I left, and would not blame me at all. In fact, I think some would advise me to leave, as much as they like having me there to play piano and so on. But I feel a very strong loyalty to the church that has raised me up as a Christian and given me such a strong foundation in the faith, and I think our church is in such a crucial position in a needy neighbourhood, so I don't want to weaken it by removing myself, one of the only young adults. So I don't know what to do and I mean to pray a lot about it before I return. Any prayers you might like to pray for the subject would be so much appreciated. I would also like to go and talk to some of the people at my church who I really trust and see what they have to say.
Studied Stuff
Today I want to share some of the things that appeared to me to be saying - BE CAREFUL. I've been stuck on the extreme of being very skeptical in the past; while I read about the Holy Spirit in the Bible I found myself being quite challenged about this. Here's some of what I found:
Matthew 12:30-31 He who is not with me is against me, and he who does not gather with me scatters. And so I tell you, every sin and blasphemy will be forgiven men, but the blasphemy against the Spirit will not be forgiven.
I wanted to put this first because in the past I've avoided this verse like the plague, worrying that it means that if I've ever been slightly flippant about the Holy Spirit in the past it means I'm destined for hell. When I read it through, though, it seems clear to me that this is not saying that at all. In context, Jesus seems to be saying that the only sin that cannot be forgiven is never choosing to stand with him and accept him. In other words, ignoring the Spirit's voice whispering to us the truth is the only thing that keeps us from God. Still, this verse isn't completely clear - but a renewed thoughtfulness about it helped me move on to a fairer understanding of how the Spirit works.
Nehemiah 9:30 God was patient with Israel for many years; By your Spirit you admonished them through your prophets. Yet they paid you no attention.
Hebrews 2:3-4 How shall we escape if we ignore such a great salvation? This salvation, which was first announced by the Lord, was confirmed to us by those who heard him. God also testified to it by signs, wonders and various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit distributed according to his will.
Revelation 2:7 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. (Repeated several times in the next few chapters.)
Shall I paraphrase? Don't ignore the Holy Spirit. In one sense here, the Spirit is talking to nonbelievers who have not accepted Christ. In another, he is talking to the churches - those of us who are already saved. And he repeats this message for each of the seven churches spoken to in Revelation - it's important. Growth, constancy and vigour are not possible unless the Church listens to the Spirit directing them - and I wonder how much attention we pay to the Spirit in our individual churches and as one entire body?
A verse that seems one of the most serious to me:
Hebrews 10:26,29 If we deliberately keep on sinning after we have received the knowledge of the truth, no sacrifice for sins is left… How much more severely do you think a man deserves to be punished who has trampled the Son of God under foot, who has treated as an unholy thing the blood of the covenant that sanctified him, and who has insulted the Spirit of grace?
Likewise:
Acts 5:3 Then Peter said, ‘Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the land?’
In both these cases - ignoring the Spirit brings consequences - none of which we can blame anyone other than ourselves for. In the passage from Acts, Ananias' ignoring of the Spirit goes as far as lying to him, and in Hebrews, to refuse to change one iota after initial salvation is to insult the Spirit of grace, the Spirit who brought us to the Lord out of bondage. It is like saying "thanks for removing my chains but I'd quite like to keep toiling, please".
On the other hand:
Galatians 6:7-8 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.
This is perhaps a more positive side of the coin. If we do listen to the Spirit, and do our best to please him, there is nothing he will not give us. Eternal life. A phrase that is used so often it loses some of its power sometimes, but nevertheless a powerful phrase.
And in summing up, this is the verse that seemed to put it all together for me and undo all the tangles and contradictions in my mind:
1 Thessalonians 5:19-22 Do not put out the Spirit’s fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold onto the good. Avoid every kind of evil.
Here, I in my earlier position am warned not to treat prophecies contemptuously at risk of extinguishing the fire of the Spirit by my negativity. But I am also encouraged to 'test everything' - not to treat everything I hear Christians assert as the gospel truth willy-nilly. This passage deals with both extremes, and I feel a bit more comfortable now as to where I am on the spectrum.
What is happening to me right now
I only have about six weeks left before I go back to New Zealand now, and only four of them will be in Australia. As it suddenly seems so close, I've been thinking a lot about what I am going back to. I have really enjoyed attending my sister and brother-in-law's church, a fairly evangelical and laidback Anglican church called St Philip's in Cottesloe. There is a huge range of people there, a lot of whom are very open to experiencing the Spirit in ways I never have. Some of them have taught me really interesting new ways to think about things that would never have occurred otherwise. I feel challenged and stimulated there.
Whereas my church at home is a wonderful, really wonderful church that is like my extended family. It's not big but not tiny, and I know that a large number of people there will be praying for me regularly and fervently. What made me most moved was that for my birthday last week I received a card in the mail that someone had taken round the church and everyone had signed for me. To know that you have all these people who really care about you and would put themselves out there for you even when they don't see you every week is just amazing. The sermons are meaty and we still sing the really good old hymns (along with some of the really bad old hymns).
My problem is that I've been there forever. I am so used to being the same person and thinking the same ways while I'm there that I'm beginning to feel like I'll be stuck in the same Me when I'm back. I do get challenged and so on while I'm there but I can predict exactly what people will think on some issues, not least the Holy Spirit. The kind of accepted view at my church at home is that the Holy Spirit is very active in our lives and in our reading of scripture but he doesn't need to make us talk in tongues etc. I don't know what I think about that yet. But I want to find out, and I think if I ask people at church I will get the same answers as always but without any proof. I may come to the same conclusions eventually but I want to know that they have been my own, and I have found out for myself. Another small but influential issue is that there is no one my age there except a few people who come very irregularly.
I am pretty sure that people at my church would understand exactly why I was leaving if I left, and would not blame me at all. In fact, I think some would advise me to leave, as much as they like having me there to play piano and so on. But I feel a very strong loyalty to the church that has raised me up as a Christian and given me such a strong foundation in the faith, and I think our church is in such a crucial position in a needy neighbourhood, so I don't want to weaken it by removing myself, one of the only young adults. So I don't know what to do and I mean to pray a lot about it before I return. Any prayers you might like to pray for the subject would be so much appreciated. I would also like to go and talk to some of the people at my church who I really trust and see what they have to say.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
The Holy Spirit - the Comforter
By starting with 'Creativity' and moving on to 'the Comforter', perhaps I'm choosing the nice cushy areas first. Perhaps I should be getting my teeth into areas like 'baptism of the Spirit' and 'insulting the Spirit' with more gusto. All the same, I would like what I write here to reflect my personal journey through all these passages, and for me, I needed to hear what the Spirit is actually like before I could get into the "deep" stuff. To trust someone, you need to know them first. To let go of inhibitions and ask them to use you as they wish, you need to be sure they are going to be there for you. So here I am writing about the Spirit who is not just a friend and a comforter, but the Friend and the Comforter.
Here is the passage that really summed it up for me:
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favour
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion –
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
Isaiah 61:1-3
And...
All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counsellor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:25-27
Two of my favourite passages ever. I don't know where I'd got this idea but perhaps in the past the Spirit seemed frightening to me. I don't mean the fear of the Lord sort of way which is positive, but a way in which he was the one I expected to be always convicting and berating and stopping you from doing things you wanted to do. A negative power, a 'do not' power. But here, the Spirit is a bearer of good news, a comforter, an emancipator - someone who moves people to wholehearted praise. An entirely positive person, a do-er instead of a do-not-er. And from the second passage, the Spirit brings peace to us and we no longer have to fear, because he is like a parent to us:
And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counsellor to be with you forever – the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:16-18
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father”. The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Romans 8:15-16 (Another favourite passage!)
Another passage that made me quite relieved:
In the same way, the Spirit helps us with our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. Romans 8:26-27
Through such passages of Scripture, I have finally learnt the niceness of God. I know I've been writing under that title for quite a while now, and to be honest with myself, it's probably wrong to say 'finally' which implies completeness, because I'm not sure if we could ever completely understand the niceness of God. My point is, the Spirit is close to us like a father if we let him be, and the result is he knows us, he understands us, and he allows us to be frail human beings who are not always sure if we want to pray or what. I no longer have to freak out that I'm not like one of those scary superhuman Christians who prays for five hours before breakfast, but I can take comfort in the fact that I am not alone in this world, bereft of Jesus like an orphan, even if I was the only Christian in New Zealand. It is from this starting point that I hope I can start allowing the Spirit much more space in my life.
A side note: this weekend after I wrote that angry last post, I had a big conversation with my brother-in-law and sister, who are also acquainted with the person I was writing about. I ended up bursting into tears in the kitchen with my brother-in-law and saying all the stuff that has been worrying/annoying/angering me about the issue of healing - namely, if lack of physical healing means lack of Christian-ness and lack of connectedness to the Holy Spirit, why did my mother die, who was probably the awesomest Christian I knew? And why do Christians make such a big deal of healing anyway? Why do we make death into such a big scary thing when everything we read in the Bible tells us it's not?
My brother told me about a conversation he once had with a guy who was very into the charismatic movement and who used to hold meetings where he would heal people. One time, a sick woman stood up, said "I feel better", went to the bathroom, and died. And his response to this was not to say - I've failed! God has failed! - but to ask the question, "What if her death was the most complete healing of all? What if that was the real miracle? Maybe by taking her away, God was healing her more completely than can be imagined while alive."
That question has been hanging around me ever since - and I have come to think it's the right question.
Here is the passage that really summed it up for me:
The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release for the prisoners,
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favour
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion –
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
Isaiah 61:1-3
And...
All this I have spoken while still with you. But the Counsellor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you, my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. John 14:25-27
Two of my favourite passages ever. I don't know where I'd got this idea but perhaps in the past the Spirit seemed frightening to me. I don't mean the fear of the Lord sort of way which is positive, but a way in which he was the one I expected to be always convicting and berating and stopping you from doing things you wanted to do. A negative power, a 'do not' power. But here, the Spirit is a bearer of good news, a comforter, an emancipator - someone who moves people to wholehearted praise. An entirely positive person, a do-er instead of a do-not-er. And from the second passage, the Spirit brings peace to us and we no longer have to fear, because he is like a parent to us:
And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counsellor to be with you forever – the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. John 14:16-18
For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father”. The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Romans 8:15-16 (Another favourite passage!)
Another passage that made me quite relieved:
In the same way, the Spirit helps us with our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God’s will. Romans 8:26-27
Through such passages of Scripture, I have finally learnt the niceness of God. I know I've been writing under that title for quite a while now, and to be honest with myself, it's probably wrong to say 'finally' which implies completeness, because I'm not sure if we could ever completely understand the niceness of God. My point is, the Spirit is close to us like a father if we let him be, and the result is he knows us, he understands us, and he allows us to be frail human beings who are not always sure if we want to pray or what. I no longer have to freak out that I'm not like one of those scary superhuman Christians who prays for five hours before breakfast, but I can take comfort in the fact that I am not alone in this world, bereft of Jesus like an orphan, even if I was the only Christian in New Zealand. It is from this starting point that I hope I can start allowing the Spirit much more space in my life.
A side note: this weekend after I wrote that angry last post, I had a big conversation with my brother-in-law and sister, who are also acquainted with the person I was writing about. I ended up bursting into tears in the kitchen with my brother-in-law and saying all the stuff that has been worrying/annoying/angering me about the issue of healing - namely, if lack of physical healing means lack of Christian-ness and lack of connectedness to the Holy Spirit, why did my mother die, who was probably the awesomest Christian I knew? And why do Christians make such a big deal of healing anyway? Why do we make death into such a big scary thing when everything we read in the Bible tells us it's not?
My brother told me about a conversation he once had with a guy who was very into the charismatic movement and who used to hold meetings where he would heal people. One time, a sick woman stood up, said "I feel better", went to the bathroom, and died. And his response to this was not to say - I've failed! God has failed! - but to ask the question, "What if her death was the most complete healing of all? What if that was the real miracle? Maybe by taking her away, God was healing her more completely than can be imagined while alive."
That question has been hanging around me ever since - and I have come to think it's the right question.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
The Holy Spirit - a digression
I was going to continue with what I had started in this post, a discussion of what I read in the Bible about the Holy Spirit, but today I looked up a "school" on the internet that some acquaintances follow - I'm not sure if follow is the right word, but for them, it's a substitute for church, and they take part in it over the internet. It's called the New Zealand School for Prophets and Intercessors. I did a little browsing, and started reading this article.
I don't want to condemn them entirely as they evidently mean so well and want to discover truth. I don't want to sound too damning and I don't want to be too negative about something that despite all my instincts may be true in its entirety. But what I read made me angry.
I can cope with the idea that salvation is a healing of a damaged soul. What this man goes on to say, however - that physical healing is inevitable - is in my experience a lie. A grotesque lie. Made even more frightening to me by the fact that my acquaintance who follows these teachings is themselves at this moment gravely ill, well before their time. They have followed faithfully where the Spirit leads for a long time now and to teach that this person is a hypocrite, and their faith is superficial, is a libel. It is even frightening to me because if this person, undergoing the most difficult trial of their life over these last months, listens to these teachings, what are they to conclude? That everything they have believed and experienced so vividly is a lie? That they are not really accepted by God?
The writer of this article talks about how the modern "so-called" Church is no longer led by God but is generally made up of hypocrites. But he fails to see what is in evidence every day in your average community church, the living out of Jesus' command: "By this shall all men know you are my disciples, if you show love one for another." (John 13:35) It is not love for your fellow Christian to attack their faith when they are most in need of it. It is just not, and I will never accept that. Granted, the "modern Church" is in many ways stumbling off track, myself included - just as the early Church or the medieval Church or the Renaissance Church or the Reformation Church (etc) did. But it is the age-old Church's capacity to love and encourage and nourish believers and non-believers alike, and to help them through dark times, that is in my opinion the greatest proof of God's hand. It is when we fail in that respect that we most tellingly demonstrate to the world our hypocrisy. And to my mind, this writer has just failed his suffering brother/sister, who is a faithful servant of the God we all try our best to serve.
There was a lot of other things in the article that annoyed me, and some things that were okay, but you can read it for yourself if you really want to. It is this issue that I find the most objectionable of all.
I don't want to condemn them entirely as they evidently mean so well and want to discover truth. I don't want to sound too damning and I don't want to be too negative about something that despite all my instincts may be true in its entirety. But what I read made me angry.
Rightly divided, Scripture sets out for each Seeker, the way of Salvation.
The Way is an inward spiritual journey for which sequential teaching
progressively casts light upon divinely ordered steps. His Word –
ministered as the Holy Spirit reveals and quickens it –comes in power to judge
and subsequently change the inward parts, thus bringing healing and restoration
to a damaged soul. This is Salvation.
It is an on going – not instant – process, bringing also physical healing
to the body as the soul prospers under restoration. The simple fact is
that when one does not properly minister the Word in this way, the Christian
religion becomes little more than a superficial palliative, only touching skin
deep, where people – if they are honest with themselves – are living in a state
of pretence. God calls that hypocrisy.
I can cope with the idea that salvation is a healing of a damaged soul. What this man goes on to say, however - that physical healing is inevitable - is in my experience a lie. A grotesque lie. Made even more frightening to me by the fact that my acquaintance who follows these teachings is themselves at this moment gravely ill, well before their time. They have followed faithfully where the Spirit leads for a long time now and to teach that this person is a hypocrite, and their faith is superficial, is a libel. It is even frightening to me because if this person, undergoing the most difficult trial of their life over these last months, listens to these teachings, what are they to conclude? That everything they have believed and experienced so vividly is a lie? That they are not really accepted by God?
The writer of this article talks about how the modern "so-called" Church is no longer led by God but is generally made up of hypocrites. But he fails to see what is in evidence every day in your average community church, the living out of Jesus' command: "By this shall all men know you are my disciples, if you show love one for another." (John 13:35) It is not love for your fellow Christian to attack their faith when they are most in need of it. It is just not, and I will never accept that. Granted, the "modern Church" is in many ways stumbling off track, myself included - just as the early Church or the medieval Church or the Renaissance Church or the Reformation Church (etc) did. But it is the age-old Church's capacity to love and encourage and nourish believers and non-believers alike, and to help them through dark times, that is in my opinion the greatest proof of God's hand. It is when we fail in that respect that we most tellingly demonstrate to the world our hypocrisy. And to my mind, this writer has just failed his suffering brother/sister, who is a faithful servant of the God we all try our best to serve.
There was a lot of other things in the article that annoyed me, and some things that were okay, but you can read it for yourself if you really want to. It is this issue that I find the most objectionable of all.
Friday, October 19, 2007
thanks
[A little interlude in my series on the Holy Spirit:] Since I came to Perth, it's taken me a while to sort of get settled into a church or home group. Finally I've started going to this thing called small church through my sister's church, but I've only been a couple of times because sometimes I've been out of town or I haven't heard when it was on - whatever. So on Tuesday I went along and it was only my second time, but nobody was there except the woman - let's call her "Liz" - who has it at her house. We decided to go ahead with the evening anyway, just the two of us, and we read through Philippians 4 and talked about it and drifted into a lot of other areas as well. It was great. Especially as I've really missed that sort of small group/one-on-one environment where you can share what's really bothering you or making you happy.
Well, a few days later, I got an email from Liz, suggesting we keep in touch about the things that are going on for us spiritually, so we know that someone else is praying for us, and is there to discuss things that are going on.
Firstly, it has been a long time now that I have been wanting this to happen. I've been put in leadership roles in my Christian group at uni and at my church, but this has always felt weird to me, as I've known for a while now that I need someone older than me to splurge to. Liz is in her late thirties, I think; she really knows her stuff regarding the Bible; I can keep up with her in that but I can't keep up with her in spiritual maturity, and I really need someone like that to talk to. It's not like I have been praying for this every single day but whenever I've thought about it I have tossed it up to God, hoping he might send someone suitable. I thought maybe I'd just have to approach someone myself, the idea of which freaked me out, especially as I just didn't know anyone I would feel happy putting myself into this position with, and also because I feel terrible asking people who are already busy to help out silly wee me.
So - I am stoked. And moved that God has answered my very casual prayers. It's always everyone else that seems to have their needs exactly fulfilled by God, and I won't pretend I haven't been a little bitter about that. I think I've avoided praying almost because I'm worried that that horrible Christian inanity "Sometimes God answers prayer with a no" will come true. Now I am just so amazed that this has happened for me - it's nothing miraculous, but exactly what I needed. Thanks, God.
Well, a few days later, I got an email from Liz, suggesting we keep in touch about the things that are going on for us spiritually, so we know that someone else is praying for us, and is there to discuss things that are going on.
Firstly, it has been a long time now that I have been wanting this to happen. I've been put in leadership roles in my Christian group at uni and at my church, but this has always felt weird to me, as I've known for a while now that I need someone older than me to splurge to. Liz is in her late thirties, I think; she really knows her stuff regarding the Bible; I can keep up with her in that but I can't keep up with her in spiritual maturity, and I really need someone like that to talk to. It's not like I have been praying for this every single day but whenever I've thought about it I have tossed it up to God, hoping he might send someone suitable. I thought maybe I'd just have to approach someone myself, the idea of which freaked me out, especially as I just didn't know anyone I would feel happy putting myself into this position with, and also because I feel terrible asking people who are already busy to help out silly wee me.
So - I am stoked. And moved that God has answered my very casual prayers. It's always everyone else that seems to have their needs exactly fulfilled by God, and I won't pretend I haven't been a little bitter about that. I think I've avoided praying almost because I'm worried that that horrible Christian inanity "Sometimes God answers prayer with a no" will come true. Now I am just so amazed that this has happened for me - it's nothing miraculous, but exactly what I needed. Thanks, God.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
introduction to the Spirit
A while ago I went to my home group and we split off into even smaller groups just to talk about "where we are with God". I said (honestly) that I'm really bad at reading my Bible and praying, and I was getting very very confused about the Holy Spirit. You may remember a few months ago I wrote a post on this blog about how I was finally getting to know the Spirit for myself and how I had resented Pentecostalism a little for making the Spirit seem so foreign to me. That was all true, but I have still been totally confused. Perhaps the fact of trying to be closer to the Holy Spirit has done this, because I've had to question my earlier perspectives a lot. Perhaps the Spirit has taught me that I haven't been quite fair to Pentecostal ideas, although I think I had to go through that step to get to the next one. On the other hand I still have serious problems with extreme Pentecostal ideology. Basically - I've been getting very twisted up with different points of view. But in this home group another girl suggested I take the subject of the Holy Spirit, look him up in a concordance, and just go through the Bible methodically - thus solving two problems at once. This seemed such a simple idea that at first I was a little taken aback, but slowly it grew on me, and I decided to do it. (Why didn't I think of it myself?!)
So for the last few weeks I've been going through every Bible reference that mentions the Spirit of God or the Counsellor etc etc. This has been fantastic for me, to see what the Bible says about who the Holy Spirit really is and what he does, and to try to draw my own conclusions from it, without the baggage that denominational interpretations inevitably bring. I think the methodical approach suits me, because so far I've organised all the verses I copied down into subgroups, and I'd like to write a few posts sharing what I discovered. I still haven't figured out all of it - I'd like to study a few of the subgroups a bit more carefully, such as "Baptism of the Spirit" or "Difficult Bits", and check out what a few commentators have written about them. But there are also sections I found really helpful without having to read other people's opinions on them, and here's the first subgroup I'd like to share:
Creativity
Exodus 31:3 regarding Bezalel: I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts...
1 Samuel 16:14 The Spirit of the LORD had departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD tormented him. v.23 Whenever the spirit from God came upon Saul, David would take his harp and play. Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him.
2 Samuel 23:1-2 In his last words, David refers to himself as Israel’s singer of songs, and says The Spirit of the LORD spoke through me; his word was on my tongue.
Ephesians 5:18-20 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
It was a huge encouragement to me to learn that music or creativity in general is an agent of the Holy Spirit. I love and rely so much on music that it has sometimes concerned me a little; what if that's wrong? But now I feel like my feeling for music is a big bonus in my quest to understand in some way the character of the Spirit of God and how he works and what he gives people. I mean, if the Holy Spirit is a lover of music and he shows us things through music, he must really like us.
I also love that God is a God who shares his best gifts with everyone. Some of his gifts can be destroyed or mutilated, like the gift of family. But you don't have to do what God says to enjoy music although I have a theory that perhaps it's not until you know him yourself that you can enjoy things like music to their full extent. God is a truly generous God.
So for the last few weeks I've been going through every Bible reference that mentions the Spirit of God or the Counsellor etc etc. This has been fantastic for me, to see what the Bible says about who the Holy Spirit really is and what he does, and to try to draw my own conclusions from it, without the baggage that denominational interpretations inevitably bring. I think the methodical approach suits me, because so far I've organised all the verses I copied down into subgroups, and I'd like to write a few posts sharing what I discovered. I still haven't figured out all of it - I'd like to study a few of the subgroups a bit more carefully, such as "Baptism of the Spirit" or "Difficult Bits", and check out what a few commentators have written about them. But there are also sections I found really helpful without having to read other people's opinions on them, and here's the first subgroup I'd like to share:
Creativity
Exodus 31:3 regarding Bezalel: I have filled him with the Spirit of God, with skill, ability and knowledge in all kinds of crafts...
1 Samuel 16:14 The Spirit of the LORD had departed from Saul, and an evil spirit from the LORD tormented him. v.23 Whenever the spirit from God came upon Saul, David would take his harp and play. Then relief would come to Saul; he would feel better, and the evil spirit would leave him.
2 Samuel 23:1-2 In his last words, David refers to himself as Israel’s singer of songs, and says The Spirit of the LORD spoke through me; his word was on my tongue.
Ephesians 5:18-20 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.
It was a huge encouragement to me to learn that music or creativity in general is an agent of the Holy Spirit. I love and rely so much on music that it has sometimes concerned me a little; what if that's wrong? But now I feel like my feeling for music is a big bonus in my quest to understand in some way the character of the Spirit of God and how he works and what he gives people. I mean, if the Holy Spirit is a lover of music and he shows us things through music, he must really like us.
I also love that God is a God who shares his best gifts with everyone. Some of his gifts can be destroyed or mutilated, like the gift of family. But you don't have to do what God says to enjoy music although I have a theory that perhaps it's not until you know him yourself that you can enjoy things like music to their full extent. God is a truly generous God.
Sunday, August 05, 2007
we are lucky
The other day I went to the art gallery in Perth which is featuring an exhibition of amazing Egyptian artefacts from the Louvre. Trying to get one's head around the sheer age of exhibits that could have been around when Moses was floating the Nile in a basket is one thing; trying to get one's head around the complex and elaborate rituals Egyptians underwent in their preparation for the afterlife is another. As I walked around I was reading about how this particular amulet or model or painting would trick or convince or appease the gods into accepting them, or would defend the person from evil spirits, or many more things. It was mindblowing and I actually found it desperately sad. This entire civilisation had so much that revolved around death. They Got It - the fact that death is what we are all heading for and that we had better prepare ourselves for it - but they missed out on so much.
And then today I was thinking about how many Thai people (or Indians, or many others) customarily refuse to say that a beautiful baby is beautiful - instead they comment on the baby's ugliness, so evil spirits will be tricked into not taking the baby away.
Fear.
I hope I'm not offensive when I say these things, but I cannot help but be sad at the thought of living under such a burden of fear. To constantly have to appease someone, to trick someone into accepting you... if this is how we must live, what a horrible life that would be. And we Christians slip into it so easily. An extreme example is the Flagellants of the fourteenth century who went around whipping themselves because they believed by sinning, they had brought the Black Death (bubonic plague) as God's wrath upon them, and perhaps, perhaps if they just made their own lives very very painful, that would make God like them better.
As I heard in a truly wonderful sermon today, that is not the heart of God towards us. God is the loving Father who runs towards his lost, sinful sons with arms wide open; God is the one who sells all he has to find his treasure in us (Matthew 13v45); God who considers us 'his glorious inheritance in the saints' (Ephesians 1v18); God who 'for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame' (Hebrews 12v2 - one of my favourite passages by the way). And when we, as saints, die and meet God, he will not shame us with our misdeeds and question our right to come before him, but he will rejoice we are there, and he will say to us "Well done, good and faithful servant. Enter into the joy of the Lord!" (Matthew 25v21)
We have a wonderful God who likes us.
Friday, August 03, 2007
ritual
Just a short little post tonight, to share a quick thought:
Last Sunday I went to the 150th celebrations of the Anglican church in Western Australia. The people I went with are not Anglicans of the high church type, and they thought it much too long, full of smells and bells, and too pretentious and high-church in many ways - such as the long parade of all the ministers and bishops into the stadium, in all their paraphernalia, the high point of which was the clown walking solemnly in among them holding his feather duster up like a standard - although the Bishop of York, who was there, and who spoke, was fantastic.
Anyway - personally, it was just interesting for me although I did notice the length, because I have never had much experience of Anglican church, especially high church, rituals. Apart from the Bishop of York's sermon, my favourite part was the Communion. At my home church we simply pass around the bread and the wine, after prayer, and swig it. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I've grown used to it, and it doesn't come across as particularly special sometimes. This time, I received Communion from the Archbishop of Brisbane, I had to go up to him to get it (a whole freaky experience in itself as I had absolutely no idea what a real Anglican looks like in receiving Communion and was anxious to fit in) with hands outstretched while he said a little blessing thing (I think) and then dip it in wine and eat it. And it was an exciting, special thing. That sounds terribly inane, but it was just a new experience for me to see that ritual, which I've been used to thinking of as boring and pointless, can actually make me think more about the thing itself, the body and the blood of Christ shed for me. Not bad.
Last Sunday I went to the 150th celebrations of the Anglican church in Western Australia. The people I went with are not Anglicans of the high church type, and they thought it much too long, full of smells and bells, and too pretentious and high-church in many ways - such as the long parade of all the ministers and bishops into the stadium, in all their paraphernalia, the high point of which was the clown walking solemnly in among them holding his feather duster up like a standard - although the Bishop of York, who was there, and who spoke, was fantastic.
Anyway - personally, it was just interesting for me although I did notice the length, because I have never had much experience of Anglican church, especially high church, rituals. Apart from the Bishop of York's sermon, my favourite part was the Communion. At my home church we simply pass around the bread and the wine, after prayer, and swig it. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, it's just that I've grown used to it, and it doesn't come across as particularly special sometimes. This time, I received Communion from the Archbishop of Brisbane, I had to go up to him to get it (a whole freaky experience in itself as I had absolutely no idea what a real Anglican looks like in receiving Communion and was anxious to fit in) with hands outstretched while he said a little blessing thing (I think) and then dip it in wine and eat it. And it was an exciting, special thing. That sounds terribly inane, but it was just a new experience for me to see that ritual, which I've been used to thinking of as boring and pointless, can actually make me think more about the thing itself, the body and the blood of Christ shed for me. Not bad.
Thursday, July 26, 2007
update
I just want to update those of you who prayed for the woman I mentioned two blog posts ago - she died almost two weeks ago, and her funeral was on Monday. I couldn't attend because I am now in another country. Sadly, no one knows how she stood with God before her death. Her close friends at the church found it very hard because she couldn't make up her mind while she was still lucid, and then she could no longer communicate or even realise they were there. It's been difficult for the church to realise we just have to leave it to God and be comfortable with not knowing.
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